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      is there anything worse than not knowing?

knowing that things are bad is awful, but only as awful as the bad thing itself.   believing that things are bad, but not being sure, not KNOWing is simply unbearable because then you are dealing with all of the worst case scenarios all at once, without any sort of closure or steadiness and WITH the terrible little occasional ray of hope to keep you from resigning yourself to what is most likely inevitable.  in some situations the worst possible outcome is not as bad as simply not knowing the outcome.

      i want to be able see it coming.

      my imagination is far too overactive to be able to deal with some sorts of ambiguity.  i play things out too many times, too many ways.   at times i cannot be trusted with my own thoughts.

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