Four or five months ago I dove (well, waded) into the wireless 21st century. I bought myself a cellular telephone. One of those pre-paid jobbers. I went for the pre-paid partly because I feared getting locked into a contract (apparently the wounds from my Columbia House Record Club fiasco were not yet completely healed), partly because I thought it might be a little cheaper for me in the long run and partly, to be frank, because I was doubtful that any of the phone companies would extend me credit. The pre-paid cellular phone is a marvel of technological obscurity. I paid for it in cash and, interestingly enough, I paid for it with change. OK, I didn't actually bring my plastic taco-bell cup, brimming with nickels and dimes, into the phone-store; I cashed in the change at that machine they have in the supermarket that charges you 8%. Still, I like the tautology of buying a cell phone with change, because most of the time, until now, phone calls were one of the only things that I used my coinage for anyway. You know, pay phones. Tidy. I will, for the time being, refrain from an extended rant about the recent proliferation of competing collect-call services, and how the phenomenon is nearly certainly indicative of societies impending collapse. Regardless, I paid about $100, cash, and no-one asked me my name or anything. Talk about anonymity. If you are a terrorist, political dissident, drug-dealer, or paranoid about government conspiracies and the like I would heartily recommend getting a pre-paid phone. I mean, sure, it could be tapped but if they don't even know who you are why would they bother listening? At any rate $100 seemed like a pretty good deal, especially considering that I didn't have to buy any more minutes for maybe three months. It sure came in very handy very many times. I liked having it. As a matter of fact by about a month ago I had even committed the number to memory, more or less. Then I lost the little bastard. OK, It is nearly conventional "Ain't life wacky in this digital age" wisdom but it really is INSANE that you can lose a phone. In-sane. I mean, a phone, in my mind, is that 15 pound black hunk of metal and Bakelite chained to the goddamn wall in the homes of my childhood memory. A real phone has infrastructure. A real phone is a landmark ("I think there is a roll of tape next to the phone."). A real phone is an appliance, like a refrigerator or a washing machine. When was the last time you heard somebody complaining about losing their washing machine? There is something existentially depressing in thinking about my little pre-paid phone, wherever it is, frightened and alone. When I first lost my little phone I called it a few times, and it would ring for a while and then my voice would say that Chris couldn't take the call, because he was asleep or at the movies and that he would be sure to get back to me right away. But he never got back to me. I had visions of my little phone, the ringer shut off, but the lights blinking plaintively, earnest but unheeded, from its final resting place squeezed between the cushions of a chair that I briefly sat upon in some coffee shop or in some extra dark corner of the 6th avenue 'L' station . Eventually, when I tried to call it I would hear no ringing. So, that meant the battery was dead, and that my call was never even physically reaching my poor lost little phone. By being cut off from the network in that regard it ceased to exist. Very sad. I can still leave voicemail, and I guess I will be able to until my pre-paid minutes run out which, since no-one is making or answering calls on the phone, will never happen. My little phone is neither alive or dead, and is trapped somewhere, seemingly until the end of time. Very sad indeed. So I bought a new phone. Now, I don't mean to talk trash about my old phone, may it rest in piece, but my new one is really much much better. It is smaller (small enough that I can very comfortably fit it in my pocket. I think this will be a good way to defend against losing the damn thing.). It is cuter. It has far better battery life. It has an internal vibrating alert, which, if you can believe it, my other one did not. Best of all it has this little 'snake' game on it that I am completely addicted to. This new phone is also NOT a pre-paid. Which means that I can, I suppose, no longer plan any vast drug deals or government overthrows by phone. More importantly, with the regular contract based service I was able to hook it up so that I can receive text messages from the web. I used to have a pager that was set up to do that, but now I have the phone doing it. Much cooler. By all means help me justify the foolishness and the expense by, dropping me a note.